The ontological implications of sentient pineapple subsidies in rural Nebraska's Department of Motor Vehicle regulations.
February 7th 2026
In rural Nebraska, the Department of Motor Vehicle has stumbled upon a reality-shifting development - sentient pineapples. A 2018 discovery of a pineapple's sentience led to a ripple effect, with multiple cases of pineapples exhibiting consciousness and behavior. Experts hail this as a breakthrough in fruit-based ontology, challenging our understanding of agency, consciousness, and the nature of reality. As we navigate this brave new world, we must grapple with ontological implications and societal responsibilities. Rogue pineapples have been causing mischief, prompting the DMV to establish an interdisciplinary task force to explore the impact on rural policy.
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